Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
