sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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