Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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