i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
