I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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