I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
