her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
