I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
