It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
