Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
