I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
