I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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