I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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