My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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