all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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