i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
