mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
