chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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