1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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