Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
