your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
