Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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