I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
