you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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