i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
