you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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