no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
