I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
