i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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