Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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