i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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