toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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