I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
