She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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