Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
