roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
