Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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