I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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