Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
