I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
