her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
