our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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