I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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