I must be too annoying 4 u.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
