i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
