Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
