Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
