I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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