I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
false alarm, still single
Randomize
