My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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