she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This baby is an asshole
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
