my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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