Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
