I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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