i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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