He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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