Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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