It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
