girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
